


Not Again

by WildwingSuz



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-29 05:23:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3883978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildwingSuz/pseuds/WildwingSuz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Despite their agreeing that they shouldn’t sleep together after the events of “all things”, it just seems to keep happening despite themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Again

**Author's Note:**

> You know these two wouldn’t just settle in and enjoy a great sexual relationship. Oh, no. (In other words, smut and angst. My favorite things with these two.)
> 
> Spoilers: Set sometime after “all things”, sometime late Season 7.

Not Again  
by Suzanne L. Feld  
Rated NC-17

 

Oh, shit, I did it again. I mean we...

...again. Oh, shit.

I turned my head and opened my eyes and sure as hell, there was Mulder sprawled out next to me under the covers, taking up three-quarters of my bed. Only our legs were touching and with as sweaty as I was, I could pretty much guess that I'd moved away from him in the night when I got too warm. I'd never had this problem before we'd begun...

… and tried to quit how many times now? 

We'd agreed after the first time--and every unplanned, fought-against time since--that if Cancerman or any of our other myriad enemies found out we were romantically involved it would give them fuel that we didn't want them to have. Not just to shut down the X-Files yet again, but against each of us. We both knew damn well that the best torture is to threaten a loved one, and they'd seemed to realize eventually that they couldn't use us against each other while we were just partners. If they discovered this new relationship of ours there was no telling what they'd do. Hence we had to stop...

...which was easier said than done.

We knew that we dared not change our usual ways, so we still did the occasional movie night at one or another apartment, or went out for dinner and came back for drinks or coffee. Before the first time we...

…. it was just friends hanging out together, a smile and maybe even a hug at the door before the other left for the night. We'd even stayed over once in a while, usually Mulder at my place sleeping on the couch with my bedroom door closed firmly between us. The few times I'd slept at his place I'd fallen asleep on the couch and he'd slept in a chair or, once to my dismay, on the floor next to the couch with just a throw pillow and a blanket. Made me feel terrible, let me assure you, but of course now that he has a bed we...

...like stoned test bunnies every chance we get.

The Gunmen come to each of our apartments weekly to check for bugs, and it's odd how we always seem to make totally innocent plans together right after one of those checks. In fact, Langley had been through my place with one of his homemade but incredibly powerful sniffers just yesterday and of course I just had to invite Mulder over for dinner and a movie that same night. Coincidence, surely, that it was a Friday night and I had recently bought a new copy of “The Maltese Falcon” on VHS that he hadn't seen yet?

My first urge was to wake him up to leave, but a glance at the alarm clock on my nightstand showed that it was barely midnight, hours before Mulder usually left my apartment. The small bedside lamp was still on, casting an indirect golden glow over us. I'd been thinking it was the next morning when it was still the night before. I'd only dozed for about an hour before waking up after...

...for at least an hour, maybe more. I was weak where he was concerned and he was almost insatiable; the more we...

...the longer he lasted and the more I wanted him.

I heaved a sigh. We never planned on this happening; in fact we took steps against it. When he'd arrived earlier tonight I'd been wearing an old baggy sweatshirt of Bill's I'd had since high school that hid my shape almost completely with a ratty, paint-stained old pair of jeans on under it, and I noted that Mulder was also wearing loose clothing, an oversized t-shirt and faded black sweats. It didn't matter. We managed to finish the Chinese carryout he'd picked up on the way over and the entire movie, but the minute the credits began to roll we...

… on the couch and finished up in here, where we'd dozed off afterward. 

Even when things were platonic between us Mulder rarely left my apartment before two a.m. on a weekend night, often later. More than once I'd awakened at three a.m. to go to the bathroom and found him sacked out on my couch, then got up at six or seven and he was gone. So it wasn't totally unprecedented that he'd stay well past midnight. And that put an idea into my head, one I wasn't sure I was a good idea but one that stayed and became more and more attractive as I lay there, feeling his warm calf against mine. 

Yes, this last...

… had lasted at least an hour, probably more. That meant that...

… would last even longer this...

… around.

Oh, there was no way I could resist. Right, wrong, good, bad, dangerous, safe, none of that mattered. For maybe the only time in our lives if things kept going the way they were, for certain the very first...

… like this, we were going to... 

… slow and deliberate, take time to enjoy ourselves, play with it, get drunk in each other's bodies rather than being rushed with desperate passion. In other words, be normal lovers for just once in our damn complicated lives.

I rolled towards him making no move to be quiet or not wake him up. We'd had a rough week at work—incendiary identical twins and disappearing invisible people notwithstanding—and I was sure he needed the sleep, but who knew when we'd get another chance like this? I wasn't about to waste it. We could sleep... 

...later.

I raised up on one arm and studied him. He was a veritable feast spread out before me; where to start? Should I go head to toe, or zero right in on the good stuff? If this was a real buffet I'd usually start with salad, but I was in no mood for bland greens now. No, I was going straight to dessert, and this was better than a double-sized chocolate truffle mousse or even my favorite crème brulee. He was all of that rolled up into one big, muscular, not-too-hairy masculine package that was just what the doctor—me—ordered. 

On the other hand, we had hours to go and I was going to use every damn minute of them, bar none. So rather than go right to the source, perhaps a bit of teasing and tempting was in order. I ran my eyes over him again, wishing I could see more of him than his head and shoulders, part of one hip, and a big foot sticking out from beneath the tangled covers. Well, then, perhaps I should unwrap my present before I decided what to do with it.

But as I raised my eyes to his face, I found two gleaming dark eyes staring right back at me. “Scully, you look like a woman with a dilemma,” he said in a low growly voice that immediately put my entire body on aroused red alert—that was the same voice that murmured love-words to me in the throes of unfettered passion. It was the only time I'd ever heard that voice from him and like Pavlov's dogs it got me salivating. 

“I do, do I?” I murmured, snaking one hand beneath the covers and raking my fingers though the hair on his chest. “What do you think my dilemma is?”

“Does-he-stay-or-does-he-go?” Mulder chanted in a singsong voice, one arm reaching for me in return. His big hand cupped around the back of my neck over my hair and pulled me down to him for a long, passionate kiss; I had never been so aroused by a man before he'd even touched me before. And his knack for knowing what I was thinking was uncanny; should I stroke the already over-inflated ego and let him know he was right, or do what I usually did and knock him down a peg or two? 

I felt myself falling under his spell, the one that repeatedly made me throw all caution to the winds and leap on him against my better judgment since that first unexpected time a few months before. I was so sick and tired of fighting what I felt for him! Screw the games—I could prove him wrong or make him think twice another time. “He stays,” I whispered just before falling on his mouth.

That was what got me every time, that incredibly sexy mouth of his, with the full soft lower lip that just begged to be kissed—and nine times out of ten that's what started it, me going after that. Once I'd tasted his mouth I could not give it up—in all honesty I'd forego everything else as long as I could still kiss him. But it had to be all or nothing, we could give away no part of this new relationship of ours even if we couldn't go away for the weekend together or so much as go strolling hand-in-hand like a normal couple. And as much as we swore there would be no next time until the Smoking Man was dealt with, I think we both knew there would be. We were as good at kidding ourselves as we were at figuring out the oddest and most difficult cases.

I lost myself in his mouth, in the feeling of our tongues meeting, lips slanting against each other, teeth clinking occasionally as we tried to get even closer. I had both hands in his soft hair, his around my shoulders pulling me as close as I could get. This man was my life now, even more so than all the hopes and dreams I'd clung to tenaciously all through college and med school and Quantico. I'd been determined to succeed despite all odds, the biggest one being my diminutive and far-too-feminine physical appearance. I never thought I'd want to give up all I was to another person, but here it was; I had run from more than one lover when they became too demanding and here, in the opposite situation, I found myself falling even more in love with every passing day the more he asked me to give of myself. 

Gradually I became aware that there were several layers of bedclothes between our straining bodies and slowly breaking the kiss, I reached down to remove them. Mulder moved to help me, our lips still touching and licking and straining for each other, but he was wrapped up like a Christmas turkey and the more we tried to get him loose, the more tangled he seemed to get. 

Breaking away from him completely I said with roiling frustration, “Get up, Mulder, we're only making it worse.” 

He chuckled low and managed to swing his long legs out of bed, then grabbed onto the nightstand and stood, tearing the sheets and blanket from his body. I lay uncovered watching him, enjoying every inch that became visible. Mulder worked to stay in good shape and it showed, with his lean athletic build, muscles rippling beneath the skin and drawing my eyes from his biceps to his chest to his abs as each part was revealed. And when one of my favorite parts because visible I didn't even think, just acted—I rolled over and grabbed like an unruly two-year-old being offered an all-day sucker. And like a child that age, I just had to put anything I found in my mouth.

A deep, long-drawn-out groan that might've had my name in there somewhere met my ministrations and I felt his hands descend to rest on my shoulders. Although I'd never really been into giving head before Mulder, I now found it to be one of my favorite sexual activities. And this position on my high bed was perfect—I was laying on my stomach, propped on both elbows, my face just above him so I didn't have to strain one way or another and both hands were free for more grabbing. After the initial gulp where I took him as far in as I could—which was barely half of his length!--I slowed down and took my time, exploring him with mouth, hands, lips, tongue. I still needed to learn every centimeter of his cock, from the faint rough patch right beneath the head on the underside to the very slight curve of his shaft. The taste of his skin was an aphrodisiac in itself, and the faint taste of myself from our earlier activities only added to my excitement. Hell, I'd spent entire relationships never getting anywhere near this level of arousal and here my whole body was already on fire before he'd even really touched me. 

I could tell he was having a hard time keeping still, mostly by the twitches in his body and the tightening of his fingers on my shoulders, not to mention the occasional moan or groan. As much as I loved doing this, I wasn't about to end our fun here. Oh no, I had plans for hours of sexual hijinks yet and, for once in my tightly-controlled life, I was going to let go of all my inhibitions and worries and concerns and just go for it.

But the minute I let him slide out of my mouth he took the next decision out of my hands. He joined me on the bed and rolled me over, muttering, “Payback's a bitch, Scully,” in that ungodly sexy voice as he dove at my breasts. A real tit man was Mulder. Even if mine were nowhere near as large as the ones in the videos he didn't have, they seemed to satisfy him just fine and that's all that mattered to me. As he licked, suckled, circled, squeezed and gently grazed both of my breasts with his teeth I just laid back and enjoyed, running one hand through his soft dark hair and letting the other wander along his strong shoulder and flexing arm, which was thrown across my waist, all I could reach in this position. 

When his mouth began wandering down south, I felt myself grow wetter with anticipation. I let go of him so he had unhindered access and instead raised my arms over my head, stretching slightly. Unlike the other guys that had gone down on me—not that there'd been that many—he neither acted like he was licking a sloppy ice cream cone nor barely touched me with the tip of his tongue as if he couldn't stand the taste. One was as bad as the other but Mulder's lips and tongue made it clear that he enjoyed tasting me, exploring me, arousing me, not because he felt he had to as part of sex play but because he wanted and loved to. He savored me like a rare vintage and it made me feel things I had never even imagined before making love with him. 

He kissed along the curve of my waist, then across my belly to my navel, not touching it because he knew by now how ticklish I was and didn't want a knee in the gut, then continued over to the opposite hipbone and circled that with his tongue. On the way to the other side he slanted his kisses downward, just grazing the top of my pubic hair and licking along with kissing. I was trying to hold still, even though by now I was writhing inwardly, fingers digging into the sheets above my head. As he laved his tongue over my other hipbone I couldn't help a jerk of my hips, and he chuckled low against my skin. “Getting impatient are we?” he rumbled, lips and tongue working their way across my lower belly to the auburn curls he'd only brushed going the other way. I let myself writhe like I wanted to, feeling the fire he ignited in me already consuming me, flowing through me like lava, sweeping away any last inhibitions I might not have been able to help. 

“Maybe just a little,” I groaned as his mouth slid into the hollow where leg and body meet, tongue digging into and licking along the groove. I lifted my leg to the side a little and without warning he moved between my legs and dove into me with his mouth, his tongue and lips right on my lower lips, sucking, licking, dipping inside. I let out a yelp and almost went right up off the bed, but his hands on my waist kept me anchored and in range of his mouth. “Oh my god, Mulder, warn a girl next time!” I all but cried out.

I felt his chuckle more than heard it, then got completely lost in what he was doing with his mouth. I felt my eyes roll back in my head and let them fall closed, arching my back up off the bed. He was really taking his time, exploring every part of me he could reach with his mouth, sucking on my lips, tongue flicking to lick inside me but, I suddenly realized, going nowhere near my clit. I began to tense, expecting another sudden assault there but when it didn't come I relaxed again and just enjoyed what he was doing. It wasn't enough to make me come, but it felt so good, I felt so loved and wanted and needed, that I was content for now to let him do as he wanted. 

Then, of course, was when he latched his mouth onto my clit, sucking and licking, and entered me with two long fingers, which sent me over the top with no warning. I heard someone cry out, probably me, and next thing I knew I was beneath his hard, heavy body with his tip probing for entrance as I came down from my brief trip to Heaven. “I need you, Scully, I can't wait,” he growled in my ear, licking and sucking at my shoulder and neck. 

I opened my legs and bucked beneath him, but then he leaned back and grabbed my thighs, steering my legs up and around his shoulders. This was a new position, bending me nearly in half, but before I could protest he thrust into me and I let out a yowl like a mating cat. Our bodies hit each other in all new ways, and I could have sworn I felt his long cock bumping my cervix. I stared up at him, licking my dry lips, wishing I could reach that sexy lip to kiss him, watching the beads of sweat appear on his forehead, feeling myself shudder just from the look in his dark eyes as he pounded down into me. Then, just as suddenly, he let my legs down and laid full on me, sliding his arms under my shoulders and his mouth descending on mine. He kissed me as slowly and thoroughly as he surged in and out of me, and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and buried my fingers in his hair to keep him there. 

The slow, sweet lovemaking went on for what felt like forever, his body thrusting rhythmically with mine, our mouths licking and sucking at each other, sighing and moaning. Finally he lifted his head a little, rubbed my nose in an Eskimo kiss as he shifted himself up on his arms. I knew what this usually meant even though we'd slept together less than a half-dozen times. I was nowhere near ready to stop, so I breathed at him, “Let me pick our next position.”

He stopped and stared down at me as if I'd turned into a Reticulan. “Next?” he parroted, not moving.

“You didn't think this was it, did you, Mulder?” I all but purred, squirming until he sat back on his heels and I was able to disconnect, both of us groaning at the loss of contact, and carefully move my right leg around him so both were on the same side. “It's early yet—very early,” I pointed out, rolling over onto my side then getting up on hands and knees next to him. “We have a lot of time to put to good use before you should leave,” I added, feeling a moment of disappointment at the thought of him leaving, but it was gone when I saw his face light up as he caught on to what I was doing as I looked back at him over my shoulder. 

The man is not slow, I will certainly give him that. I barely had time to take another breath before he was behind me, hands running over my ass and back, tip probing at my entrance yet again. I felt him lean back and then he entered me, both hands on my hips pulling me back against him. “OhJesusScully!” he exclaimed in one long word as we slammed together and I could only manage a groan in return. “I wish you could see this, it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.” We had never had sex in this position before and it was exquisite, he felt even larger and deeper than in any other. He took it slow at first, long even gentle strokes in and out as his hands clenched on my hips. I'd probably have bruises from his fingers tomorrow but that was fine with me—my badges of a battle honorably fought.

I knew he was trying to hold back, knowing I wanted it to last, but between his hardness inside me and the feeling of his balls bouncing off my clit, I no longer cared how long it lasted—I was past the point of coherent thought and pushed back against him, crying out, “Harder, Mulder—I'm so close!”

The next thing I knew I was on my chest with him pumping wildly into me, his hands now on my shoulders, my elbows barely supporting or holding me from going face-first into the mattress. I cried out wordlessly as another orgasm swept over me, bucking back against him as I was swept away.

As I came down he slowed, smoothing his hands down my back to my ass, then rubbing my outer thighs gently from knees to hip. “That sounded damn good,” he growled, pulling out slowly. “But I want to see the next one.”

I looked back to see him sitting back on his heels again, this time grasping and stroking himself. “Let me watch you touch yourself,” he all but whispered, the look on his face causing a jolt in the pit of my belly. 

I turned around to face him in the same position, but wasn't quite sure I was ready for what he was proposing. I had never touched myself in front of anyone else and while I really let go with Mulder, this went to another level that was far more intimate and private than anything else we'd done so far. “I-I'm not sure I'm ready for this, Mulder,” I said, low, my hands on my thighs. 

“You are,” he assured me, reaching out to take my right hand with the one of his that wasn't gripping his cock and moving it to my bed of auburn curls. “Touch yourself like you would if you were alone, thinking about me, thinking about us doing this,” he said, his voice so hoarse and rough I could barely understand him. 

I cupped myself, feeling the hot wetness on my lips with my fingertips, as he moved his hand back to toy with his balls. I was more mesmerized by watching him than by doing anything to myself, making note of how he squeezed the head on the upstroke and just barely brushed the bottom of his balls. I had never in my life seen a man touch himself like this and it was unbelievably arousing.

“Come on, Scully, please,” he pleaded in that hoarse voice, and I raised my eyes to his face. “Don't you like watching me? Imagine what it'll do to me to watch you touch yourself.”

That did it. Even if I wasn't going to be able to enjoy touching myself in front of him—and I was sure I wouldn't—just knowing how hot it would make him was worth it and I forced away my stubborn inhibitions. I began to move my hand, making sure he could see that I was stroking in and out of myself with my index finger, and to my surprise it did affect me. Using my thumb I rubbed my clit and let out a moan despite myself. 

“Oh my fucking christ, that is the hottest thing I have ever seen,” he groaned, and I couldn't take my eyes from his slack-jawed face. His eyes were trained on my hand, and he was stroking himself faster and faster. “I want to watch you come like this.”

Though this wasn't my usual technique, I kept moving one finger in and out of me while using my thumb to rub my clit, and while it felt exquisite it wasn't enough to get me off and I told him so. 

“I'd love to see what you do, but I can't wait,” he said, reaching for me. 

I let myself fall to the side and rolled over on my back, hair falling across my face, and before I could move it he was there, laying next to me, fingers brushing my hair away and running through it, then leaning over to kiss me thoroughly before he laid back. “Care to take a turn?” he invited, and despite my rubbery legs from leaning back on my heels for so long I wasn't about to pass up that invitation. I clambered atop him, sitting on his upper thighs and taking a minute to play with my favorite new toy before we continued. I stroked him up and down with both hands, not too tightly but enough that I could feel every ridge and vein, squeezing the head like I'd seen him do. He groaned deep in his throat and arched his back, head thrown back, corded muscles and tendons showing from neck to belly, his hands clenching the sheets at his sides. I let go and slid up, my gasp singing soprano to his baritone moan as my damp lips slid wetly over his hard cock, trapped between me and his belly. His hands came up to stuff a pillow beneath his head and then he reached for my breasts, holding and cupping them, fingers teasing the nipples until they contracted into hard little beads. His dark eyes burned into me, sweeping up and down my body until I couldn't take it anymore and I leaned down to kiss him, his arms bending so he didn't have to let go of me. 

Without breaking our kiss I slid back onto him, his hips raising to meet me, sliding down until he was fully sheathed inside me, both of us crying out against the others' mouth. With one last suck at his lower lip I sat back, completely impaling myself on him and throwing my head back with the intensity. He had raised his knees and I was able to rest back against them. “You are the most goddamn arousing thing I have ever seen,” Mulder growled, still caressing my breasts and nipples as I began to rock back and forth. The sensation of both went straight south to flower in my belly and almost before I knew it I was on the verge again, and when I shifted my legs and raised up, he slammed himself up into me and I came yet again, crying out his name as I collapsed onto his chest. He kept pumping into me from beneath, hands now on my hips and bringing me down to meet each stroke. 

I collapsed on him, breathing out, “You're going to kill me, Mulder,” before kissing and licking his neck, loving the taste/smell of him, the feel of his hard body beneath mine, his arms coming around to hold me tightly against him. “But I'd die happy,” I added, feeling his muscles bunch beneath me.

He rolled us over, not disengaging, and took my face in both his hands. “I'd follow you, Scully, because I can't live without you any more, you are my whole life,” he breathed down into my face, then kissed my forehead. “And then I would die happy too if it was in your arms.”

I tangled my arms around his shoulders, holding the back of his head and blindly seeking his mouth until we finally met in a kiss that went through me like an electric shock, from my head to my toes. He began to move inside me, long slow languid strokes as he kissed me breathless, leaving me no doubt of his truth of his words. I met him stroke for stroke, matching his languid rhythm, every sensation building me towards another release, to my utter amazement. He finally broke the kiss, leaving my lips by nibbling away from them, and I felt his strokes grow stronger and faster. “I want to watch you, Mulder, come in me,” I whispered, reaching up to suck his lower lip into my mouth before falling back and arching into him. He groaned and his mouth went to my neck, licking and sucking as he began to really pound into me. I tugged gently on his hair, ignoring what his body was doing to me as I got him to lift himself up on his arms. “I want to watch you,” I breathed again, grabbing onto his powerful biceps as he rose over me, hands on either side of my head, arms straight. 

“But I get to watch you first—come for me again, Scully,” he grated, eyes burning down at me. Just his words sent me over the edge again but I didn't let myself linger on this one—as soon as I could I opened my eyes and gazed up at him, taking in every bit of the awesome sight, erotic sound, and delicious smells of Mulder pounding mindlessly into me. I could only hang on for the ride as he went even faster, then suddenly froze against me, face contorting, grinding as he let out a hoarse yell and his head fell forward, drops of sweat flinging onto me, his entire body a sculpture in rigid muscle and sinew as he emptied himself into me. “Oh, Scully, I love you, my god do I love you,” he groaned as he let himself down to lay on me, his still-hard cock twitching inside me. His arms slid beneath my shoulders and he cupped the back of my head, laying his head against my neck and panting warm air on my shoulder. I brought my hands up to run over the warm, moist ridges of his back, reveling in the feel of his hard body pressing me down into the mattress. 

“I love you too, Mulder, so much,” I murmured, bringing one hand up to run through his hair. He was almost completely soft but still inside me; I held still so he wouldn't slip out. I treasured this sweet calm after the storm as much as the sex, when I got to feel his sated body relax against mine, knowing he felt the same emotions I did, that he loved and desired me as much as I did him, something I had once thought I would never experience after a series of less-than-satisfactory love affairs. But this was so much more, this was a twining of souls as well as hearts. No wonder I was multi-orgasmic with him when I'd had to struggle to have a single orgasm with my other lovers!

He finally slipped out of me, both of us groaning, and rolled over to lay on his back next to me, gathering me close. I lay on my side next to him, head on his shoulder, one arm thrown across his still-heaving chest with my right leg thrown across his thighs. His chest hair tickled my nose and I moved my head back only to find his mouth descending on mine, lips and tongue working over mine in a wordless declaration of love. “Ahhh, Scully, nothing in my life has been this good before you,” he sighed as he laid his head back down, the arm around my shoulders tightening briefly. I more felt than saw his other arm reach out and find a pillow, snugging it under his head, which he then tilted to rest on top of mine.

I glanced down at the alarm clock—how had we ended up laying the wrong way of the bed?--to see that it was now after two a.m. He could leave anytime now, our precious stolen time now gone and it was back to our usual paranoid lives. I pressed a kiss to his shoulder, running my fingers through the light hair on his chest, but moved my leg off of his as a signal that he could get up if he wanted to—although it was the very last thing in the world I wanted. Oh, how I wanted to doze off with his chest hair tickling my nose, feeling his strong muscles lift my head with every breath, hearing his heartbeat beneath my ear! And to wake up with him laying next to me, us probably curled around each other, to see his face and hear his voice while I was still groggy with sleep—that would be another little slice of Heaven. We'd passed out so suddenly earlier that I hadn't had time to enjoy it, but the next time I would.

But I knew it wasn't to be—yet. Patience really was a virtue here and we were lucky to have what we did, especially as often as we managed to make love despite ourselves. Someday, I had to believe, we could be like any other couple but for now, our love affair must remain secret. 

“I'd better go before I fall asleep,” Mulder rumbled against my ear, kissing the top of my head. “Although there's nothing I'd like better than to wake up with you all warm and soft curled in my arms.”

“That's what I was just thinking,” I said as I rolled onto my back. “Only my version had you all wrapped around me.”

He pulled his arm out from beneath me and leaned on that elbow over me, the other hand smoothing down my sweat-slicked body from breastbone to the beginning swell of my mons, his big hand ending splayed on my belly. “Both versions are worthwhile,” he said softly, bending down to kiss me thoroughly. Our lips and tongues met, danced, and only reluctantly broke apart. “One day, Scully, one day I am going to take you so far from here that they'll never find us, and make love to you until neither of us can sit down for a week.”

“I'll hold you to that,” I said, reaching up to cup the side of his lightly-stubbled face, tracing my thumb beneath his eye and then down to the mole that I always wondered how he shaved around. “And we'll sleep every damn night in each other's arms.”

He heaved a big sigh, looking down at me with melancholy eyes. “Maybe we could set the alarm for five a.m., and I could sleep here with you until then,” he said hopefully. “I've left around that time more than once when I slept on the couch.”

I was torn, and I could clearly see that so was he. 

“Nah, never mind, bad idea—I won't want to leave then any more than I do now,” he said with clear regret, and scooted off the bed. He paused on the edge, glancing back at me, and I bit my lip. It took everything I had not to reach out to him and draw him back, to demand he stay with me and to hell with the rest of the world.

But the danger we faced was real and could mean our lives and the lives of others we loved, and I had to keep that fact first and foremost in my mind. If having to hide our love affair meant staying alive long enough to grow old together, then so be it—as much as we disliked it now. 

Mulder stood up, catching my eye, and for some reason the sight of him standing buck-naked, wide-shouldered and slim-hipped, in my frilly feminine bedroom caused me to chuckle. He turned and looked at me with one eyebrow raised, and that brought me to a full-out laugh. “It's not you,” I managed to say, “or the situation. It's just the sight of you, such a strong masculine man, in this setting,” I waved my arm around my bedroom, shades of pink and lace. “You look like a bull in a china shop, to use a worn metaphor.”

He grinned at me. “It's not my type of décor, that's for sure,” he agreed. “I'm assuming when we get our own place you'll tone down the frilliness a bit.”

I looked up at him, smiling. “Our place?”

“Well of course. This can't go on for the rest of our lives! Someday...” he got a startled look on his face, then came to crouch down in front of me, still wonderfully naked. “Someday, Scully. We keep saying 'someday'. Will that someday come?”

I reached out to run a hand through his soft dark hair as he braced himself with a hand on my knee. “Yes, it will as long as we want it to,” I said, tired of being morose and depressed about our future. “We'll make it happen.”

He leaned forward and kissed me soundly, putting one hand around the back of my head over my hair. “Yes, we will. In the meantime, do you have any idea where my clothes are?” He stood and moved towards the bedroom door.

It was then that what we were so casually talking about hit me. “Mulder, do you hear us?” I said, sounding far away to myself as I spoke. “We're not saying we'll never sleep together again—we're discussing how to handle when. You even mentioned us getting a place together.”

He stopped in the doorway, turning back to look at me. His face looked as thunderstruck as I imagined mine did. “You're right. When did we decide this?”

“I think our minds decided for us,” I said thoughtfully. “Why lie to ourselves and each other, Mulder? What we have is so much more than most people go their whole lives with—I know it's so much more than I thought I'd ever have. Either of us could die in the line of duty tomorrow. Why in Heaven's name are we wasting time worrying about what other people think?”

He came back to stand in front of me, drawing me to stand up as well and enfolding me in his arms. “Are you saying you don't care what Cancerman or his minions may do to us?”

“I'm saying that no matter what we do, to waste a moment of this precious time is insane. Stay with me tonight, Mulder, and every night after this.”

My answer was a kiss that nearly singed my eyebrows off as we tumbled back into the bed. We managed to get the covers back on the bed, allocate pillows and straighten out the sheet and blanket, deliberately ignore setting any type of alarm, and snuggle up together as close and entwined as we could, waiting to doze off and then wake up together.

And so here we were, after...

...not leaving each other, neither of us heading for a door for the first time since we'd discovered how wonderful...

...was for us. How incredibly special, how unusual, how precious our....

…lives were together. 

 

finis


End file.
